No High Scores

When it comes right down to it, I just can't help myself. If there's a trailer for Mass Effect that's about the game and not a self-congratulatory look behind the scenes, it's gonna find its way up here by my hand. I noted a couple of Internet comments the day this came out that the trope of using the little girl to get the viewer emotionally involved was a bit pat. I suppose it is, but I'm a believer you can take most any worn trope and, as long as you execute on it, do something credible with it, which I think they've done here. It's not, for my money, as good as the FemShep trailer, but it's a nicely done piece of work that does its job amping me up to play Mass 3 in just two short weeks.

Drake has a song on his latest album called H.Y.F.R. It's a song with L'il Wayne about the usual Drake and L'il Wayne stuff, namely women, sleeping with women, and in Drake's case, failed relationships with women. I wasn't a big Drake fan after his first album as I felt he stepped over the line between melancholy and boring a bit too much. I listen to hip-hop for a variety of reasons, usually when I need a boost of energy and Drake is not the most energetic cat around. When Headlines dropped though, he seemed to have taken at least a sip of a 5 Hour Energy drink and livened up a bit. It also helped that the beats on the track were really strong. Part of the reason I can't listen to L'il Wayne is that I think the production on his records suck. Weezy is always better, in my mind, when he's rapping on other people's tracks. On his own stuff, the monotone, repetitive beats aren't good. Plus, half the time I have no idea what he's talking about, but I can get around that.

So, when Drake's second album came out, I bought it. I've been listening to it ever since and it was easily one of my favorite hip-hop albums from last year. So, what does this have to do with the SSX demo? Well, it all comes down to what H.Y.F.R stands for:

Hell yes, f*&^ing right, which is exactly what I felt when I was playing the SSX demo...

Borderlands 2 launches on September 18th in North America and September 21st internationally. Watch the trailer and then check out my very detailed thoughts below.

I know that getting up in arms about disrespect on the internet is like getting mad at the weather. However, I’ve been following the story about Jennifer Hepler, the Bioware writer who has endured some nasty abuse at the hands of “fans” for comments she allegedly made in an interview about the interplay between combat and story scenes. Something about it struck a chord.

If you’re new to this party, The Border House has a nice write-up of the events:

Another teaser for the Xbox 360/Enhanced Edition of The Witcher 2, which is set for an April 17th release.

Pause this video at the 20 second mark to see the GameShark Editor's Choice Logo front and center...in the bottom right corner..about half visible.

Mr. Dangerfield, line 1.

Hey, Mass Effect 3 is just a couple of weeks away. Who are you planning to bang?

No, I’m serious. Which one of the BioWare digital sex marionettes are you planning on shtupping right in the middle of a desperate battle to save the universe?  It’s the most important decision you can make in the game, and fortunately BioWare has a piece of hot space tail for every fantasy and every taste on board the Normandy, the swinging-est ship in the galaxy.  Even if your “thing” is blue-skinned lipstick lesbians, you’re covered in this sexy smorgasboard. There’s achievements and trophies riding on this decision, wink wink, so choose your sleazy pick-up lines from the dialogue trees wisely.

And if you’re going to be trying to work out the right path through the dialogues to get to the sleazy pick-up lines that win the heart(s) of anything with vaguely humanoid tits, then certainly you’re OK with a character making a come-on to you, right? Uh-oh- what if it’s a male character and you’re playing a male character? It’s that dreaded GAY AGENDA, they’ve come for your dicks! Silly BioWare, video games are for straights!

Sarcasm aside, it’s rather unfortunate that BioWare’s otherwise respectable character-driven RPGs truck in such juvenile nonsense and facile depictions of sex and relationships. I’m certainly no prude and I’m all for games including mature, adult depictions of sex and sexuality in any form- because that’s life.  I’m glad that they’re inclusive and realistically include both gay and straight characters, but the sum of it is that their whole intimacy shtick on both sides of the equation are so poorly handled that it’s an embarrassment that so many conversations surrounding their games loop around to who screwed who. Call me old fashioned, but I’m playing these games to see robots and aliens- not to have some kind of silly pubescent fantasy of conquest and virility.

In real life, Malcolm III, King of Scotland, ruled from 1058 to 1093. He died marching back to Scotland and was ambushed by the Earl of Northumbria. He was succeeded by his younger brother, Donald III. 

That was history.

In Crusader Kings II…history had a different path for Malcolm...

Stupid Tom Chick!

Here I am knee deep in Crusader Kings II and I have one eye tilted sideways toward an indie strategy game that he's been discussing at Quarter to Three. Conquest of Elysium 3 is from Illwinter, the developer of the cult classic Dominions series, which means deep, detailed, and in no way casual strategy gaming. This one doesn't look quite as obtuse as Dominions, but still rather meaty.

I haven't played Conquest of Elysium 3 but if you want to get a taste for what this fantasy turn based strategy game is all about you need to read Tom's write ups.

Part I: Give the necromancers a hand.
Part II: Sex, dwarves, and diamonds
Part III: The blind leading the blind
Part IV: Ia! Ia! Lightning bolt ftaghn!
Part V:  I came, I saw, I totally got pwned

Give these diaries a read and if you're like me you're getting your credit card ready.

Stupid Tom Chick costing me money.

Image: Filomena Scalise / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Awaiting you on this week's Jumping the Shark, it's a whole lot of court intrigue as Bill dons a crown for Crusader Kings 2 and changes world history. If you were ever curious to know how King Harald of Norway could have erased England from the map, this is your show. If you never wanted to know how that might've happened, then you need to take some time to yourself and really think about your place in the world and why you lack an inquisitive nature. Just say'n. But, hey, if it's just not gonna happen for you with this game then Brandon's got you covered with tons of thoughts on the new Mass Effect 3 demo. We also spend some time making fun of the ridiculous amount of DLC items in the game. Good times.

On a couple of quick house-keeping notes: As Brandon noted on the show, the ever-overworked Danielle is officially taking a hiatus from the podcast. You'll still be able to read her voice here at the site, but for the time being you'll have to live with JtS being a Brandon, Bill, and Todd affair. We are all very sad. Also, since we're no longer a Gameshark podcast, and my editing time isn't compensated, Brandon has stepped up in a big way by volunteering to edit the show every other week. He's a real peach, that guy. (Seriously. Editing the show nearly every single weekend for two years wears on you, so Brandon allowing me a weekend off every other week is a godsend that'll help keep the ball rolling.) This is important to note for this week's show because I put in an outtake from last week's recording that Brandon didn't have access to. I probably should have left it to the disappear into the ether, but I liked it too much. So, when you hear references to Diablo 3 in the outtakes, take your mind back to episode #110. It'll all make sense.

As always, enjoy the show!

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This week marks the second week of the PlayStation Vita's stupid staggered launch, the return of Alan Wake, a multi-armed, angry god-dude and the release of Syndicate. All of which should be interesting in one way or another, but if I had to put my finger on the one that would review the best, I'd go with Alan Wake. That's probably just nostalgia talking though. I really enjoyed that game, right up until the last line of the game which had me scratching my head.

I currently have a Vita game (Uncharted) and a Vita memory card sitting at home without a console in which to stick them. I'd love to know if the limited edition, early adopter, whatever-the-hell it's called bundle is selling well, because from my standpoint, it's a gigantic pain in the ass. Games and accessories are available, but only at some stores. The console itself is available, but only at an even smaller subset of stores. Maybe this is increasing demand and building buzz, what do I know? I do know that the various deals in place don't start until Wednesday, a full day after I pick up my console, which wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that I was going to use said deals to save some scratch on a memory card. You know, the required one. Oh well. It wouldn't be a Sony hardware launch if it wasn't filled with a bunch of unnecessary BS and proprietary crap. By know, you would think I'd know better.

Enough kvetching. On to the games...

Canada. They may still have a lot to answer for by giving the world the unlistenable music of Rush and it may seem like the War of 1812 and the American invasion of Our Neighbor to the North isn't very interesting. But hot damn is Academy Games' 1812: The Invasion of Canada a great board game. It's a five player, team based game (three players are England, Native Americans, and the apparently easily cowed Canadian Militia, the other two are American Regulars and Militia) that really requires a lot of collusion and coordiation between teammates. It's extremely easy and fun to play- I had a full noob table up and running in less than ten minutes. It's also reasonable in the playtime department- an hour to ninety minutes on average. The dice system is ridiculously fun, the cardplay is limited but interesting, and it's all exceptionally well framed in a minimal design.

It's the total package...except for the niche historical subject matter and the relatively dull production of wooden cubes and a boring map.

But yes, you should play this game. It's the best game of 2012...so far. Review at Gameshark.

As Bill will be more than happy to tell you, our own version of L'il Abner turns the big 4-0 on Saturday, thereby ushering in a new era of back pain, medical issues to be discussed at length and 4:30 steak dinners at the Golden Sunset Buffet. This being the case, I thought it was time to wish my good friend the happiest of happy birthdays.

Back in 2007, Bill Harris of Dubious Quality fame posted a story on his site about how Bill Abner of GameShark.com non-fame was looking for new writers. I'd known Bill Harris for years, ever since he was writing for Rich Laporte at GoneGold.com. I had no idea who Bill Abner was, what GameShark was or why Bill Harris was routinely mistaken for Bill Abner. I guess it was a sports game thing. I didn't do sports games, so you can understand my confusion.

At any rate, Abner was looking for new writers, so he drafted Harris to put out a pitch on DQ. Me, being an avid gamer, a quarter-way decent writer and someone looking to fund the purchase of additional games, was intrigued. I talked it over with my wife and she told me to go for it, as the worst thing that could happen was that I'd be rejected...

All the kerfuffle of late regarding Diablo III has made me terribly wistful for one of my favourite games of all time. Which isn’t a direct relation of Diablo at all but the rogue-like game Angband.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of rouge-like games, well, they encompass quite a large range of mechanics but have three things in common. Firstly they’re all exploration games in which the vast majority - if not all - of the maps and things you find on them are randomised and therefore different every game. Second, they’re all turn based unlike the real-time point and click offered by Diablo and its ilk. Thirdly and most importantly when you die in a rogue-like game you die permanently. Game over. Your save file is marked as being dead and you have to start over. You can cheat by backing it up of course (known as save-scumming in the parlance of the game) but that defeats the challenge and thus much of the fun of playing.

With all the uproar over Notch and Tim Schafer and Kickstarter and the hypothetical game that started it all, Psychonauts 2, I get the feeling that not too many people are stopping to ask themselves one simple question: do we really want Psychonauts 2?

I sure don't.

When we last left Malcom III, King of Scotland, he was contemplating whether to help King Harald, his Viking Father in Law in a war of independence in Norway. Malcom thought about it. Mulled it over in his keep. Raised a paltry army and …went hunting with his boys.

His scheming wife, the daughter of Harald, is still trying to have every low level potential heir to the throne killed in the most gruesome way imaginable. Good thing she’s a fertile lass. She’s power hungry and I am convinced totally nuts.

So I leave Harald to fight his renegade son and consider the issues in Scotland...

That title is so meta and it doesn't even know it. Although, I'm probably misusing the word "meta." Whatever, Brandon said I'm close enough, so take it up with him.

The cover story for March's issue of PC Gamer (at least on iOS) is about, you guessed it, their rankings for the Top 100 PC games of all time. Now, before we delve into this, let's be clear about something that we all surely know. Top X lists exist to be conversation-starters, especially when it's coming from a commercial outfit. I promise you, from the editor-in-chief of PC Gamer on down, there is no one there that agrees with the rankings as they appear in the mag. That doesn't mean I'm not up for taking the bait. It's Thursday and I've done absolutely no gaming this week, so I give them a tip of my cap for giving me something to write about.

This established, let's have a look at their Top 5 (one of which you know about, if you've been listening to the podcast)...

This looks like a pretty significant expansion. Love to see Religion back on the table.

PR time:

2K Games announced today that Sid Meier's Civilization® V: Gods & Kings, the expansion pack for Civilization V, is being developed for Windows-based PC.

Key features include:

• Expanded Epic Game: The core game experience has been greatly expanded with the addition of new technologies, 27 new units, 13 new buildings and nine new Wonders.

• New Civilizations and Leaders: The expansion features nine new civilizations including Carthage, the Netherlands, the Celts and the Mayans, each with unique traits, units and buildings. Gods & Kings also adds nine new leaders including William I, Prince of Orange, Boudicca and Pacal the Great.
   
• New Game Scenarios: Three new scenarios let gamers experience the medieval period, the fall of Rome, and embark on a new adventure in Empires of the Smoky Skies, a Victorian science-fiction scenario.

• The Return of Religion: A first for Civilization V, players seek out Faith, choosing a Pantheon of the Gods and creating Great Prophets to found and spread their customized religion across the world. 

• World Domination: The fight for world domination is more dynamic than ever. Gods & Kings features a reworked combat system and AI that places more emphasis on a balanced army composition. Additionally, the navy is now split into two different ship types, melee and ranged, making coastal cities vulnerable to a surprise naval attack.

• Enhanced Diplomacy and Espionage: Establish embassies at foreign courts for closer ties or clandestine operations. As the religions of the world start settling in and the world moves into the Renaissance, spies can be unlocked to establish surveillance of foreign cities, steal advanced technologies from your strongest competitors, or garner influence with City-States through election rigging, or even a coup.

• City-States: Two new city-state types have been added, Mercantile and Religious, adding new gameplay to a greatly expanded quest system to further the narrative of the game and making diplomatic victories more challenging.

 
Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Gods & Kings is not yet rated by the ESRB and will be available for Windows PC in late spring 2012. For more information on Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Gods & Kings, please visit www.civilization.com.

In 1974 David Bowie released an album called “Young Americans”, a top ten hit in the United States with a  number one single in “Fame”. After almost single-handedly defining glam rock with his outrageous, polysexual Ziggy Stardust character, Bowie completely changed his image and direction. Always a consummate artist aware of the importance of concept and execution, Bowie recrafted himself as a willfully phony Philadelphia soul man. The record is a meticulously crafted collection of R&B songs rife with the irony of a white Englishman earnestly performing music generally regarded as the province of African-Americans. It’s soul music without any soul at all, and that’s exactly the point.

He called it “plastic soul”. The record’s artifice is brilliant; its superficial, textbook genre survey of a highly organic music that thrives on authenticity is a statement in itself. From the Luther Vandross background vocals to “blushing at all the Afro-sheen”, it’s carefully poised and manufactured to spec.

So what does this all have to do with Kingdoms of Amalur: The Reckoning?

Like any good FemShep enthusiast, I downloaded the Mass Effect 3 demo last night and took my time on the bike this morning to put it through its paces. I'm not sure why, really, as I have every intention of picking up the game when it launches in March. In fact, my copy has been paid off since before Batman: Arkham City launched as I paid for both of them at the same time. I guess I downloaded it because even though I know I'll be playing the game when it comes out, I really enjoy playing Mass Effect, so if I get to play some new stuff early, I'll do it.

At the risk of being incredibly pithy and offering an opinion that has little or no value, here's my take on the game: it's Mass Effect.

Again, I know that's a pretty worthless statement, but at the same time, I once knew a guy who said he'd like Halo a lot more if it contained none of the design elements that made it Halo. I'm not saying that line of thinking makes any sense, just that it's out there.

Now that we've established that Mass Effect 3 is, in fact, Mass Effect, let's move on...

A lot can happen in the first two or three hours in Crusader Kings II. This is a game about people. Yes there are wars and taxes and revolts and all that. But it’s truly a game about people. Mostly rich people with nothing better to do than to stab you in the gut but people all the same.

It’s Scotland in the year 1066 and I am playing as King Malcom III. You can read more about him here.

This is about 250 years before William Wallace does his “freedom” thing.

Malcom starts 1066 in a tricky position. His wife is dead, but he does have two sons: Duncan and Domnell. (Duncan being the Heir and about 10 yrs old). His brother hates him – like REALLY hates him. He’s the “Pretender” so unless I die he’s 2nd fiddle. He’s not a fan of that situation. And while Malcom is “King” in 1066 the vassals pretty much run their own show. I can’t simply tell them what to do. I have “some” realm power – I can demand Realm Levies to assemble in a time of war but a lot of the day to day management of each area is under the thumb of the vassals. In addition, The Pope hates Malcom – and I have to give a lot of my money to Rome. What I want to do is gather enough prestige to assign an Anti Pope so that I can keep my cash. But that’s way down the road.

The first thing I need to do is find a wife...