Captain America: First Collector

Coded Transmission
From: Captain America
To: Peggy Carter
Peggy: I’ve successfully airdropped into Baron Zemo’s castle. Hydra is definitely here. I still haven’t figured out their plan, but I have found a number of dossier documents that may help. I’ve also seen a fair number of ceramic objects around the castle that I think have something to do with the Zemo family. I don’t think they’re of any importance but I’ll keep my eyes open as I go about my mission. Cap out.

Coded Transmission
From: Peggy Carter
To: Captain America
Steve: Those dossier documents may be our best hope for figuring out Hydra’s plans. Command is asking that you pick up whatever you can find and relay the information to us. As for the ceramics, the Zemo family has a long history of coding information in their valuables. Command is asking for you to obtain as many of these ceramics as you can as well. Good luck Captain, you’re our best hope…

Coded Transmission
From Captain America
To: Peggy Carter
Peggy: I understand Command’s need for information, but I don’t think you understand. There are dossier files everywhere. I mean everywhere. On the street, on desks, on random boxes, in the back of trucks. I found one in the toilet for Pete’s sake. Same with the ceramics. This Zemo guy was obsessed with chickens. There are ceramic eggs, chickens, falconry equipment, pictures, small virginal statues, large statues and pictures of his mother. In fact, the only thing this guy liked more than chickens was his mom. Does Stark have a camera or something as small as the transmitter he gave me? Then I can take pictures and relay the information to Command that way. Cap out.

Coded Transmission
From: Howard Stark
To: Captain America
Cap: Stark here, Captain. Peggy passed on your request for a small camera and sorry, but no can do big guy. I’m knee deep in floating cars over here, and haven’t had time to iron out all of the kinks in my spy camera. Oh sure, it works, but it doesn’ t have the Stark flair my customers have come to expect. I think it needs more lasers, personally, but last time I tried to add one I ended up burning a hole through my research assistant. Don’t worry, he got better. Plus, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there are rumors that Hughes has a jet pack. A jet pack! If that long nailed, agoraphobe has a jet pack, well by God, I need one too. I’ve been in that man’s shadow for far too long and I refuse to let him flit around the heavens because a guy who can bench press a Studebaker can’t be bothered to pick up some papers. Chin up Cap! Stark out.

Coded Transmission
From: Peggy Carter
To: Captain America
Steve: I passed on your collectible concerns to Command and they’re sympathetic but they still want all the eggs. And the chickens. As for the statues, they want you to collect the small ones, but smash all of the big ones. This is Peggy, signing off.

Coded Transmission
From: Captain America
To: Peggy Carter
Peggy: Come again? You want me to break the big statues? I know that I haven’t been radioing in on a regular basis, so you may not be 100% clear on what’s going on down here, but this morning a Hydra soldier tried to give me an enema with a plasma cannon. You want me to take time out of uncovering the plot to destroy the Earth to break up some statues? Cap out.

Coded Transmission
From: Peggy Carter
To: Captain America
Steve: Might I remind you Captain that you are a soldier, and not only a soldier, but a soldier that would be still getting his ass whipped in a Brooklyn back alley if I hadn’t pulled you out of the muck and turned you into an Adonis. So I’m sorry that I don’t know every aspect of what you’re doing right now, but I do know that if Command tells you to bust up statues, well, you bust up statues. Command is afraid that the locals will flock to Zemo’s side and turn against the Allies if the statues remain. On a similar note, how’s the egg collecting going? Spy plane satellites showed a cinema of sorts at the castle, so be on the lookout for film reels too. Still waiting for those dossier folders, by the way.

Coded Transmission
From: Captain America
To: Peggy Carter
Peggy: I’m well aware of the opportunities that you and Command have given me. I’m also well aware that I’m the only hope you got, unless you have someone else with superhuman speed, strength and agility waiting in the wings to destroy the Nazi menace. Oh wait, that’s right, the guy who made the serum is dead. Yeah, I thought so. I’ll break up whatever statues you want, because Lord knows we wouldn’t want the locals somehow scaling a mountain range, gaining access to a castle crawling with Hydra soldiers, looking upon the face of a 12th century member of the Zemo family and pledging allegiance to a guy with a hood permanently glued to his head right before being enslaved by Hydra to work in their labor camps and then killed. My what a quagmire we’d be in then. As for the reels, sure, fine, whatever. Add them to the list. Anything else? Maybe I can find some drapes to match the eggs.

Coded Transmission
From: Peggy Carter
To: Captain America
Oooh! They have drapes? Yes, that would be wonderful. Royal blue if they have it, maybe 48 x 72.

Coded Transmission
From: Howard Stark
To: Captain America
Cap, Stark here. Carter says you’ve found drapes. Put me down for some as well. Maroon and gold. Also, have you seen any jetpacks lying around?

Coded Transmission
From: Captain America
To: Peggy Carter
Well, I hope you’re happy. Bucky is dead. I couldn’t carry all of these stupid eggs by myself so I gave him a bag of them to hold and he ended up getting knocked off of a cliff. I’ve had enough. I’m going back to Brooklyn. You can keep your stupid shield. I hope Hydra shoves a ceramic egg up Command’s collective keister.

Coded Transmission
From: Peggy Carter
To: Captain America
Please tell me you saved the drapes.