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Hitman: Absolution Brings Nuns With Guns

The bald dude with the barcode on his head is definitely from the Hitman series, but I dunno, those latex dressed nuns packing guns and RPGs scream Saints Row: The Third. Having never played a Hitman game, I have no idea if pistol packing brides of Christ are the norm in this series. Whatever the case, I’ll be seeing this one at E3 so I’ll be sure to let you in on further nun generated shenanigans.

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Brandon

Brandon loves games, which shouldn't be a surprise given where you're reading this. He has written for GameShark, The Escapist and G4, and made them all less relevant as a result.

6 thoughts to “Hitman: Absolution Brings Nuns With Guns”

  1. I guess Square Enix has to make expensive CGI trailers for every game they publish, I guess they have in house studio that can take some breaks from Final Fantasy games so maybe not that expensive, but how stupid is this trailer is off the charts is like they are trying to make every Hitman fan to avoid the game completely.

    1. Not to mention re-enforcing pretty much every single negative stereotype about gamers in the process.

  2. What bothers me is the depiction of the nuns. Nuns don’t dress like that anymore, for many decades now. So they wouldn’t blend in or something, they would stick out like a sore thumb and everyone would be all like “who are these crazy hot chicks dressing like Halloween nuns?”
    Hitman Absolution is taking a weird turn with its marketing. I understand that they have to appeal to a broad audience and the developers have said the game is still very much about silent assassining. But with the whole Sniper Challenge pre-order BS and every trailer having him shoot twenty people with his ballers, I would think that fans of the previous games are collectively raising one eyebrow in confusion, just as I am doing right now. I mean, yes, the trailers look fucking awesome, but the best moments in them are when Agent 47 is just looking badass and red screens with text smack you in the face with “hey dudes, Hitman game lolz.”

  3. This is the dumbest trailer I have ever seen for a series which is occasionally good, but never THIS bad.

  4. Dumb things in this trailer:

    1) assassins disguised as nuns… BDSM nuns carrying heavy weaponry, that is. Yeah, no one would notice that. What are they trying to say? “Hitman meets Saints Row”?
    2) the jabs at Assassin’s Creed. First, the way he closes the eyes of one of the assassins he killed – I was expecting him to say “requiescat in pace” as he did that. And then, the phrase in the end of the trailer – “the original assassin”. Yeah, right. Hitman 47 da Firenze. We get it.
    3) the way the Hitman is portrayed (killing everything, guns blazing, etc). That was not what Hitman was all about – but then again, this is a trailer, and there’s a definite “Transporter” vibe in it.

    Now, the CGI in itself is pretty good (the droplets in the guns, the final scenes with agent 47 getting upright slowly while the background burns), and it would be an above average summer action movie trailer, I guess. But it could be so much more than that.

    So yeah, strange PR. Let’s hope it’s similar to Dragon Age on that respect, instead of, say, Duke Nukem Forever.

  5. Blood Money and had some off beat humour so I wouldn’t be completely surprised by the crazy stripper Nuns being in one level in Absolution as a sort of joke. I am surprised however at the actiony trailer filled with exploitation shots and looking nothing like a hitman game. Does any part of that game say “stealth game”? I’m hoping they were pitching for humour and missed rather than thinking they were making an “awesome trailer”.

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