Skip to main content

The 2012 Binky Beach Report

Last week I was at the beach, and as with most trips to the beach, I got a chance to sit back and do a whole lot of nothing. I ate a bunch of food, swam a lot, played a lot of Summoner Wars and generally took some time to let my brain breathe. I’m not going to lie, it has been a stressful year. My dog died in January, both of my kids have various learning difficulties that we’re working on getting sorted out, I’m still trying to figure out what my games writing life looks like in a post-GameShark world and I can’t find a Transformers Prime Vehicon figure to save my life. A vacation was just what I needed.

I didn’t figure anything out while on vacation, didn’t try to, really, but I did come away from Hilton Head with a few observations. Lucky for you, I’ve decided to share them. Unlucky for you, they’re in no certain order. Such is the brain of the recently vacated: jumbled as all get out.

One of my favorite things to do at the beach is to go out in the water and just stare off at the horizon. I could do it for hours. There’s something about being in the ocean and being allowed to be insignificant that’s very freeing. In my life, I am not insignificant. I’m not saying I’m the most important person on the planet, but I am one of the most important people to an extremely small subset of the planet. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle being any more important than I am. I don’t know how public figures do it. Being important to people is cool, but with it comes responsibilities. I can’t flake out and decide to skip town for a couple of days. That would be bad. To the ocean, though, I truly am insignificant. It will roll me over, drown me and spit me out without paying any mind to who might miss me. I have no responsibilities to the ocean. I can just be a dude, floating along, alone with his thoughts.

Except I wan’t alone with my thoughts. I was with my son. I love my son, but holy hell, the dude can talk. I have not seen Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked, yet I can tell you everything that happened. I have not played LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean for the DS, yet I can tell you every character’s special abilities. I can also tell you my son’s favorite character (Will Turner), his favorite choice of armaments (one sword, one pistol) and his favorite ship (The Black Pearl). In between ribald tales of sea criminals and singing vermin I was quizzed relentlessly on the various Pokemon I have come across in my decade plus of playing the games. Have I owned a rock type? Yes. Which ones? I don’t remember. Have I owned an electric type? Yes. Which ones, I don’t remember those either. Have you owned a rock type? As I said before, yes. Which ones? And so on and so forth. We held court on the differences between the Pokemon show and the game, why you need a balanced team, whether or not an evolved Pokemon is more powerful than an un-evolved one and why Ash’s pikachu is better than normal pikachus. That last one was somewhat thorny as it leads into the delicate topic of Pokemon animal husbandry, a discussion I did not want to broach with my nine year old.

READ ALSO:  Playdek on sale this weekend

It’s hard to explain to a child that you want to be left alone to contemplate your own meaninglessness, so I took part in all conversations. Occasionally I’d take a break and go ashore to help my daughter catch fishes in tidal pools. We didn’t catch anything, but I didn’t have to answer any questions about Ghost Types I’ve Met While Yachting, so all in all, I considered our little fishing trips a success.

When we weren’t frolicking on the beach, we were frolicking at the pool, which meant that I was in the midst of several games of Summoner Wars. I know that my wife wished that I had played less while we were gone, but hey, it was my vacation too, so I felt OK with playing more than the usual amount. I didn’t stop any family activities to play, nor did I let the game dictate our schedule, so in my mind, it was all good. I know that she wanted to talk more, but I’m sorry, you can only comment on the intricate, Dickensian subtext of Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 before wanting to swear off communicating with other human beings for the rest of your days. That being said, I’m not a total moron. After the first comment I made sure to talk more while playing.

I think that part of her irritation comes from the fact that she knows it’s all her fault. She convinced me to get an iPad and then gave it to me for my birthday. I know that I’m in the minority on this one, but the last X-Files movie is one of my absolute favorite movies. In it, Scully wants her old Mulder back, so she gives him the one thing that will bring him back: an X-File. Mulder being Mulder, does what he’s done with every X-File, he turns it into his life. The result is a hurt Scully and a confused Mulder. Why would she give him this if she knew how he would react? It’s because she wanted him back, just different, just a little less. Well, I am Mulder and games are my X-Files. You give me one, and it’s going to be my thing, totally and completely. You give me an iPad and fill it with awesome games and I will play them. I can’t do less. I’ve tried. In the end, right or wrong, I always go back to being me.

READ ALSO:  Road to 100,000 – The End of the Road

That being said, Summoner Wars, annoying bugs aside, is very quickly becoming one of my favorite games. It has layers, but is easy to get into. The dice rolling adds a deliciously random aspect to careful planning and strategy. As much as I’ve enjoyed it when I’ve been able to pull off a successful attack, I find the moments when I realize that I’ve stumbled into a very well placed trap even more thrilling. When those jaws fail to snap shut due to a poor roll, even better.

While we’re on that subject, I don’t know if poor dice rolling is a dwarven racial penalty or what, but Crom’s bones, those guys can’t roll dice to save their lives. Literally.

When I first started the game, I played every race and got my ass handed to me in short order. Master Barnes suggested I pick a race and stick with it, which I’ve done, but I’m back to feeling those other races tugging at me. There’s just so many ways to play and explore and fiddle with custom decks, that I’m not sure I can resist tinkering with the entire machine. Of course, that fiddling will be at the expense of my W/L ratio, so I need to keep that in mind. Maybe playing with the dwarves and the goblins will have to be enough. With a record of 9-12, I’m pretty happy with how well I’ve been doing, but I know that there’s so much more to learn, a lesson I take in nightly when I waste event cards or stubbornly hold on to champions even though I have no chance of summoning them. The learning, she is slow.

READ ALSO:  Cracked LCD- Smash Up in Review

Finally, upon returning home from vacation, I finally finished Amazing Spider-Man and saw the movie to boot. The movie was completely unnecessary. It did nothing to redefine his origin or add a new twist on things. In fact, in many ways, I think it made things worse. The performances were very good, though, especially from Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield. I’m somewhat torn on whether or not I want them to make another one. I certainly would like to see those actors reprise their roles, but the canonical nitpicker in me doesn’t like seeing the Spidey universe continue down this road.

As for the game, having completed it and wrung 975 points out of it (screw you and your 700 comic book pages, Beenox), my opinion from the half-way point still stands. I can honestly say that I have never seen more open world busywork than in this game. Sure you could pick flowers in RDR, but with that flower picking came the risk that you might get mauled by a cougar or a wild boar. Later in the game, it was worth searching for flowers simply to see the hilarious random encounters kicked off by the glut of bears. In Spider-Man, there is no such humor or menace. Late in the game, I spent almost an hour doing nothing but swinging over to sick people, physically or mentally, take your pick, and then bringing them to the appropriate care facility. That’s it. Nothing attacked me, nothing came after me. I just played taxi for more than two dozen people. Sure, I didn’t have to do it, but why offer an activity if you don’t plan on the player doing it? Well, whatever. I’m done with it, got 975 points for my troubles and am back to flying around Gotham City looking for gold bricks and citizens in peril.

So that’s it, my trip report. My wife and I are heading to Chicago this weekend and that should effectively put the stamp on this year’s vacations, planned and slightly less planned. I’m sure she will be happy to know that I won’t be playing Summoner Wars quite as much. Probably not, though, as I’m forgoing it to play Heroes of Ruin. If you need me, I’ll be down in the basement with the FBI’s most unwanted.


Brandon loves games, which shouldn't be a surprise given where you're reading this. He has written for GameShark, The Escapist and G4, and made them all less relevant as a result.

16 thoughts to “The 2012 Binky Beach Report”

  1. Ahh Summoner Wars, good stuff. I have yet to take you on Brandon, so perhaps I’ll have to show you a trick or two.

    Oh and Danjuro, you became the source of much swearing this morning. I had you cornered, pounding your summoner when you pulled the luckiest turn ever. 4 for 4 hits on my champ with your summoner. Then the little orc fighter that could. You were able to fury 8 TIMES! You killed all 4 of my units with him, including my two summoned champs! Had you gone on to win that match, I would have been forced to swear a blood feud on you.

    Anyhow hit me up for a game if you want Brandon Falcon059. I’d create the game myself, but for some reason I have a bug which doesn’t allow me to create games.

    1. I’d love to challenge you to a game, but alas, the same bug plagues me as well.

      That fury move sucks. Tundra orcs are the bane of my existence.

      1. I’ve also run into that same bug on my iphone. Hit the button to create a game and it crashes out to the home screen. Beginning a game on the tablet however seems to get around the issue.

      2. Agreed re: Tundra Orcs being a bane on existence! That freeze event card is just killer on me – spending 2 points to unfreeze is a lot, especially when you have multiple freezes (frizets?) on your summoner. I’ve gotten absolutely pasted a few times against players (and even the AI) using them, they’re rough!

        You really got unlucky in the game we finished earlier – your rolls were just not what they needed to be, and I was able to get in and block your wall off. More unlucky rolls on the part of your hapless dwarves allowed me to effectively bracket your summoner with a rather large force of units…


    2. I stared amazed at this silly warrior prowess, but do not worry : even insolent luck can’t help me that much against you – see how I place a wall in the worse position for me in our current game 😉

      And oh yes, I long for a bug-fixing update too…

  2. Have you guys played Shadow Era? I searched the site but didn’t see any mention of it; Free to download CCG, plays a lot like Magic The Gathering.

  3. The beach sucks. I get all kinds of terrain penalties there.

    I thought I was going to be excited for the new Spider-Man film but…I’m just not. It’s there, sure enough.

    Part of it is the origin story thing- I think that’s a HUGE misstep. Everybody knows the story at this point, it’s not like we’re talking about some obscure-ass character like Klaw or Bug. There’s no reason an origin montage couldn’t have covered that part of the story so that the film could really dig into the things that make Spider-Man great, right out of the gate. Or at least they should have gone the Batman Begins route, and leveraged the opportunity to tell a _new_ origin story that brings in a lot of disparate, canonical threads with some new stuff to build a foundation for new interpretation of the character.

    I also think it was a big mistake to not tie the film into the Marvel movie universe that they’ve riding to the bank. Spidey is great (sometimes) interacting with Cap, Thor, and the gang.

    And Lizard…really? Lizard sucks. Green Goblin is really who you want, but not that god awful EXTREME SPORTS Mountain Dew creature that Willem Dafoe was. Or how about Rhino? Electro? Mysterio? Kraven? The god damned Enforcers? All would be more interesting than Lizard. And his design looks like the goombas from the Super Mario Bros. movie.

    So I dunno…it can’t be any worse than Green Lantern, that’s what I keep telling myself.

    1. I’ve been thinking that for a lot of these superhero movies, at least anything where it’s been in movies/TV for decades now, stop worrying about explaining it to the audience, take it as a given, and just do a tight story that works with character’s ‘mythos’ and be done. I’m thinking in terms of a lot of the early Marvel graphic novels, like Hooky and God Loves, Man Kills.

      1. The new spiderman movie is one of the better comic movies in existence, and I enjoyed it more than the Raimi movies in hindsight. Great acting, tight pacing and it hews much closer to the comic book than past efforts.

        I’m in favor of not bringing green goblin out at the gate. Save the big villains for sequels when they can have more screen time.

        Also, they can’t tie it in to the marvel movie universe as Sony holds the license.

        As someone who is still buying comics and reading spiderman since I started 25 years ago this film is highly recommended. Don’t buy into the “too soon for a reboot” group think that’s happening on the Internet and just go watch it.

    2. I think Kraven would be a great Spider-Man villain for the movies. The only way they could get me to go watch any of this new series would be to throw in Kraven or Mysterio. I think they would both work really well cinematically, especially if you went all Nolan-y and realistic.

      I mean ‘Guy Who’s Really Good at Hunting and Fighting’ and ‘Special Effects Guy’ are pretty damn plausible.

      And if Spidey de-domed Mysterio, and it was Adam Savage? Nerds would Lose. Their. Shit.

    3. Great, now all I can see is John Leguizamo as the Latino Spiderman when thinking back on this movie … at least they replace Kirsten Dunst with Emma Stone.

      A new origin story or Avengers tie-in is truly a missed opportunity as you said. I guess the Ant Man tie-in is out of the question too … conflicting dietary requirements with the characters.

  4. If the Summoner Wars app is crashing when you try to create an online game, go create an offline game then come back and try online again.

  5. Sounds like a solid vacation. Sorry I couldn’t play more SWars with you this week as my iPad was under firewall hell at the patent office. No games, no NHS, and no lieutenant yar!! (bonus points if you get that reference)

    I’m playing all the decks. It’s fun to explore.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *